Maybe - Maybe Not
by tris-everdeen99
Summary: "Come on, Granger. Just start dancing, for Salazar's sake." "Malfoy. You do realise that you have pants on your head?" Throw Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy together in a ridiculous a competition under the scrutiny of Rita Skeeter - and pretty much the entire Wizarding World - and something's bound to give. Surely nothing good can come of this? Maybe - maybe not. DM/HG. ON HIATUS
1. In which glitter enters the scene

**Chapter 1 – In which glitter enters the scene**

**It's been so long! Hello everyone - I was debating whether or not to post this today, and I couldn't help myself. I promised myself that I'd write ten chapters first, but that's gone out of the window. So! A few warnings for this story - it's going to be lighthearted and stupid at times, so that means for the purpose of the overall plot, I've allowed characters to behave less seriously than they would usually. I think that's about it...so...enjoy!**

Hermione sighed, for what must have been the fifth time in the last minute. It was bad enough that she had an entire pile of bloody paperwork to do with a deadline for Monday – but she'd opened her first file, and found a copy of the Prophet with Skeeter's repulsive face leering up at her, in what she presumed was an attempt at a seductive smile and flirtatious wink.

"She couldn't seduce a boggart with that face," She muttered, "so I don't understand why she has to put the Wizarding World through the torture of looking at it. She's clearly trying to rip the last shreds of sanity any of us have to cling on to." She shook her head with disgust, and was about to toss the newspaper aside, when she caught sight of the words "Harry Potter" in the article - not that his name wasn't a frequent occurrence. She knew she'd regret it, but she smoothed out the page all the same, and began to read.

**_FACE YOUR FEARS – THE ORB STRIKES AGAIN_**

_The headline says it all. Once again, the Daily Prophet is delighted to announce that after some difficulties, "The Orb" is to be launched once again. For those pathetic little imbeciles who don't know of the already famous concept – yes, I mean you – "The Orb" was a quite fantastic scheme which was attempted to be started last year. Difficulties with an infestation of nargles (or so claimed, by a certain Looney – ahem, Luna Lovegood) meant that the ingenious plan had to be postponed, but the Prophet is now finally able to let the wonder begin again. For the sheer purpose of entertainment for all you witches and wizards out there, "The Orb" was created – a stadium from the outside, spectators can be seated and enjoy the madness to follow from within; where the dimensions can be adapted to resemble any location and size. Ten lucky celebrities will be taken to the Orb, and following just over a month of amazingly hilarious challenges, one pair will be crowned the conquerors after a cruel elimination process. Naturally, The Prophet will be reporting for you after each challenge – but there's nothing like seeing the live show! Owl for daily tickets to the address below – rumours have it that the legendary __**Harry Potter**__ has been requested to enter "The Orb", so don't miss your chance to see the Boy-Who-Lived live!_

"What the – GABRIEL! GABRIEL, GET UP HERE NOW!" Hermione roared, slamming her fist onto her desk. She could have gone down to the office to speak with him – but when she was angry, it was far more satisfying to yell at her PA.

Gabriel Fredward Humphrey Fitz-Anderson stumbled into the office, tripping over his own feet and sprawling across her desk as he entered. He quickly pulled himself up – scattering papers across the floor in the process of doing so – and accidently knocked his thick-lensed glasses off his nose.

"Oooh, I'm so – so – so s-s-sorry!" he garbled, biting his lip and attempting to peer at Hermione.

"I'll get them." She ground out from between gritted teeth, but just as she leant across her desk to pick up the glasses, Gabriel stuck his hand out in an attempt to grab them. His obscured eyesight meant that instead of grabbing the glasses, his hand smacked straight into Hermione's chest – where he prodded for a moment, trying to work out why his glasses appeared to have moulded into something far different. When he realised what he had actually groped – quite literally – he withdrew his hand faster than she could hex him, and turned a rather attractive shade of crimson.

"GABRIEL!" Hermione bellowed, slamming the glasses onto his rather sorry looking face.

Gabriel opened his mouth, then closed it, opened it again, and then swallowed rather audibly. He caught sight of a glass of water which thankfully hadn't been knocked over on Hermione's desk, and desperately lunged forward, tipping its contents down his throat. But just as he swallowed, he realised that it wasn't water that he'd drunk – but some considerably strong firewhiskey.

As his eyes opened wide, Hermione could only shrug nervously – with a job as stressful as hers, a daily glass was all that kept her going. However, what she hadn't noticed was that Gabriel had begun to splutter and wheeze, and seconds later he was gasping for breath.

The bloody idiot had only gone and choked on her drink.

She quickly ran round the desk and grabbed her useless assistant from behind, forcefully squeezing his stomach in a rather impressive imitation of the Heimlich Manoeuvre. When Gabriel finally recovered, he turned slowly to face her, still wheezing slightly, and trembling simply from the force of her glare.

"You can call me Gabe?" was his tentative response.

She flared her nostrils. "Where you're going after I'm done with you, you'll be lucky if they call you anything at all, sunshine."

It was quite obvious that since leaving Hogwarts, Hermione Granger had developed some slight…anger issues. Whether she was seriously unhinged or simply stressed – no one could tell – but the general response for those who did notice her tendency towards violent behaviour were provided with the same answer: her hectic schedule managing the affairs for post-war "heroes" meant that studying no longer provided her with an outlet for her frustrations.

Either that, or she was seriously deprived of a sex life.

"Please forgive me!" Gabe screeched, and seconds later, he'd quite literally thrown himself at her feet, and was clinging onto her knees. Miss Granger had developed quite a reputation for being ruthless.

"Get up." She snapped. When he made no move to stand, she pinched his ear and twisted it until he yelped, springing to his feet. "I want to know what this," she spat, pointing to the offending newspaper, "is doing here. I specifically instructed that under no circumstances would this…rubbish be allowed anywhere near me – let alone _delivered _with my files to my office!" she raged. It may have been unfair to take all her frustration out on Gabe – but she was Hermione Granger (and an angry Hermione Granger too) so under her supervision, it was allowed. End of.

"I'm - " Gabe whimpered, but he was cut off by Hermione. It didn't help that not only was his employer terrifying, but he happened to have a teensy, tiny little crush on her. Who could resist such magnetic, understated beauty as one of the saviours of the Wizarding World?

"Less than three weeks on the job, and you've already made a balls-up." She glared at him. "Don't make me remind you what happened to Nia when she messed up before I had to go and bloody hire you!"

Gabe gulped for a second, contemplating which would be worse: facing the former Boy-Wonder, or his livid employer. "HARRY POTTER DID IT!" He yelped, before fleeing through the door, into the safety of the men's' room.

Clearly enduring Harry's wrath was the easier option.

**ooooo**

"DRACO!"

Draco sighed, pushing aside the documents in front of him. He knew what was coming next. Only one person he knew smelt like cologne crossed with overpowering jasmine.

"DRACO!" In burst none other than Blaise Zabini, dressed perfectly ordinarily – save for the wreath of flowers adorning his hair.

"Should I even ask?" he raised an eyebrow.

Blaise decided to ignore his _darling_ friend's snide comment, choosing instead to throw himself onto Draco's lap and wave a sheet of parchment in his face.

"Get off me, you oaf!" Draco shoved Blaise aside, trying not to groan. "What the hell was that?"

"THEY DID IT!" Blaise trilled, jumping to his feet, not put off in the slightest. "They sent you the contract! THEY WANT THE PARTNERSHIP!"

"You're joking." Draco lunged for the parchment, trying not to shake, reading the print in complete disbelief. "After all this time? I thought they'd abandoned us months ago…I don't believe it!"

"Well you'd better bloody believe it, because it says they want to get started as soon as possible!" Blaise grinned. "Congratulations, my darling!" he leant forward to kiss Draco – on the cheek, thank Merlin – but he was swiped aside.

"Don't even think about it." He warned. He could barely think straight, thanks to the turmoil of confusion in his head. He'd been trying to gain partnership into one rather complicated business for a while now, but the sheer success of "Nott's Knots" meant it was a difficult sell. Sure, Theo had been an acquaintance in Hogwarts, but he was business minded like Draco – and the downfall of his family had only made him more determined. Draco had _needed_ the success of sharing Nott's business solving "magical mishaps" to boost him forward in the Wizarding business world, and to finally gain an acceptation of his offer was beyond belief.

"Come on then!" Blaise waved the parchment under his nose again. "What are you waiting for? Sign the damn thing!"

Draco looked around. "Accio quill." He grasped the instrument, pausing for a moment to allow himself a grin of triumph. "That'll show Skeeter, thinking I needed "help" and trying to lure me into her game."

"Draco." Blaise shook his head. "If you ask me, you were lucky to be asked to be considered for the Orb."

"What, making a complete idiot of myself in front of thousands of people?" he scoffed.

"It would have been fantastic publicity."

"Publicity my arse." He scratched his signature onto the bottom of the page – but just as he finished, it burst into a puff of magenta coloured smoke in his face, leaving him gasping for breath. As he looked up, eyes watering, he saw the words "Congratulations, contestant!" lace the air in horrifically glittered writing, and out of nowhere, an object dropped into his palm. He opened his fist, to see a small key inscribed with the words: "We'll see you at the Orb", which disappeared a moment after he'd read them.

"WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME WAS THAT?" He bellowed, striding over to Blaise who was slumped in a corner of the room, shaking with laughter.

"What do you think, love?" Blaise finally managed to choke out. "You're a real contestant now!"

Draco's eyes widened comically. "But – How – What – "

"You signed the acceptance form Skeeter owled." His "friend" grinned.

"I thought I threw that away!" Draco swallowed. "But you said - "

"Yes, I know what I said. I lied. We still haven't heard from Nott."

"But – I read the parchment."

Blaise smirked. "Simple charm. I would have expected more caution from you, Draco." He mocked.

"YOU DID THIS?"

"Oh yes." Blaise smirked. He began to pace around the room – clearly thoroughly enjoying himself. "See: here's what happened. Skeeter owled you, offering you a place in the Orb, her new "fantastic" competition for the purpose of entertaining the Wizarding masses. You obviously discarded the form. I, however, owled Skeeter asking her to send another, saying we misplaced it – which I then altered using a simple charm. Hogwarts stuff, really. You signed the form, thinking it was a business agreement, and now, my dear, you are well and truly stuck, because you have no choice but to appear in the Orb. And that was my mastermind plan." Blaise dipped his head in a dramatic bow. "The End."

"You little – why? Why would you do that? You know that I'll be made a laughing stock!"

"Because." Blaise grimaced. "You remember that date I had, the other night?"

"Um. That Charles guy?"

"Nope. The other one."

"Michael?"

"No! The other guy! Handsome, blonde."

"You just described me, Blaise." Draco smirked.

"Funny." Blaise sneered. "The tall one."

"Oh! Dave-I'm-A-Slob!"

"NO!" Blaise roared. "I'M TALKING ABOUT SPENCER!"

Draco sniggered. "I remember. I was just winding you up."

"I hate you." Blaise glared at him. "When Spencer and I came home, you were in my apartment and you refused to leave, and I made it blatantly obvious that we wanted some alone time. If you know what I mean."

"A little too obvious, Blaise. You were desperate, mate."

"Thanks." He frowned. "And then you told him all about the previous men I'd dated, and you kept on saying that I hit on you! You made me sound like a player!"

"You do hit on me! This is ridiculous!"

"Yes, well I'd given him the whole "I haven't met that special guy yet. I haven't dated for a while," speech, and it was working until you told him everything – and then he left!"

"NOT MY FAULT!"

"YES IT WAS! He could have been the one."

"Every man is "The One" for you, Blaise."

"Yeah, well, I really thought that relationship could have been the right one for me. And you went and completely wrecked it – and this wasn't the only time you've done that."

Draco shook his head. "Wait a second. You're saying that because I sabotaged your date, you got me into a hellish competition that could completely destroy my reputation?"

"Pretty much."

"I would hurt you right now, but you're not worth it." Blaise cowered away. "That's it. I'm going to speak to Skeeter right now." Draco began to stride towards the fireplace.

"WAIT!" Blaise bellowed. "You signed the form. That's it, Draco. There's nothing you can do about it. If you tell Skeeter, she'll make a massive story out of it, and it'll humiliate you far more than anything that could happen in the Orb."

Draco stopped dead. "You're right."

"Aren't I always?"

He turned to face his friend. "I'm going to kill you now."

**ooooo**

Hermione stepped into the fireplace, calling out "The Potters' Residence!" as she entered, and was swallowed by the flames, leaving the office behind her unattended. A second later, she stepped out into Harry's living room only to see with Ginny lying on her back on the floor her legs straight up in the air, stretching her arms up behind her head. She looked as though she was in some serious pain – put the entire sight was rather comical, and was _almost_ successful in dispersing Hermione's foul mood.

"Ginny?" she stepped forward.

Ginny let out a little screech and jumped to her feet, pulling her wand out as she leapt up.

"It's only me!" Hermione tried not to laugh as Ginny began to blush. "What exactly were you just doing?"

"Um." Ginny swallowed. "You – you surprised me Hermione!"

"I can see that." She raised an eyebrow.

"I was just…stretching."

"Stretching?"

"Yeah! Trying to…you know. Get into some sports. Become more fit. I've never really been that in shape. You should try it." She half muttered, half spoke.

"Ginny – you play quidditch."

"Yes." She nodded, but didn't bother to explain any further. "But enough about me – why are you here, Hermione?"

Hermione sighed, trying not to become frustrated as she knew she wouldn't get anything else out of Ginny. "Where's Harry?"

"Upstairs. I'll run and get him?"

"Yep. Please." She ground out from between gritted teeth.

Ginny jumped up and disappeared out of the room, and a minute later, snatches of some urgent conversation drifted down the stairs – Hermione couldn't help but listen.

"I knew she'd come here - "

"That's not my fault!"

"We should have just told her - "

"It'd be too out of the blue - "

"And you thought she's just volunteer?"

"Well - "

"It was a stupid plan, and not nearly obvious enough - "

"We had to keep it subtle!"

"Will you just get down there?"

"But - "

"I'll get the others. GO!"

Another couple of minutes passed, and then not two – but at least four people could be heard walking down the stairs. Into the living room marched Ginny, followed by Ron, Neville, Luna and Harry – the latter looking thoroughly terrified.

"'Sup Mione?" asked Ron, swallowing hard.

"Don't speak like that, Ronald. It makes you sound uneducated." She snapped. "And my name is _Her_mione."

"Well, that's what you think." Luna spoke, smiling.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Ginny. I'm not going to ask why everyone's here. I just want to speak to Harry." She glared at him.

"Please don't let her hurt me." Harry whispered to Neville before stepping forward. "Uh – hi!"

"Harry. My assistant was even more of an idiot today than he normally is, and he brought me a copy of _the Prophet_ with your name in it, then told me it was all your fault. Care to explain?"

Harry opened his mouth, then closed it again, looking at the others in the room helplessly.

"Here." Ginny shoved him aside, and thrust a piece of parchment into Hermione's hand.

_You have already been contacted, sir/ma'am, about the optional position held open for you or a friend/family member in __**the Orb**__. Needless to say, it is an honour to be considered – simply sign below to confirm your entry, and contact Rita Skeeter for any additional details. Further explanations will be provided following your confirmation. _

"So it's true?" Hermione spluttered. "You're entering the Orb?"

"Not quite." Ginny stepped forward, clearly deciding that Harry was unable to explain himself.

"It's complicated." Added Neville.

"I think I'll be able to keep up." Hermione scowled.

"Well, ordinarily Harry wouldn't even consider something like this – but the thing is, Kingsley's been warning us recently that it's been five years since..." she paused "V-Voldemort's defeat, and the public have barely seen anything of the "war heroes"."

"That's because we need our bloody privacy! And we're not heroes!" Hermione yelled.

"I know, I know." Ginny soothed. "But the thing is, we have barely attended any public events at all, and people want to be reassured that we're okay. They want to see their supposed "saviours", and that war we took part in – it bought us a celebrity status for life. We're meant to be connecting with people, and instead, we've shut ourselves away from them."

"And what's this got to do with the Orb?"

"Well. Kingsley – and dad – think that if one of us took part in the Orb, it would help us show everyone that we are part of their world – and it'll be something "fun", which would be brilliant for our reputation. Publicity, really."

"This is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe I'm hearing this from you."

"I know. I'm sorry, but it's the truth – we have to do this. Obviously Skeeter sent Harry an application, but he and Ron are needed by the other Aurors, so he can't enter. Neville is far too busy helping the committee preventing further "dark groups" from rising, and Luna…" everyone turned to stare at the blonde gazing into space. "Luna doesn't count." Ginny whispered.

"What about you?" Hermione snapped.

"I'm…"

Harry cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "Ginny's pregnant."

"What?" Hermione choked out.

"Yeah." She smiled, shyly.

"Oh, Ginny…congratulations." She stepped forward to hug her friend.

"Thanks, Hermione."

"Is that why you were – um – stretching?"

Ginny blushed. "Kind of." She shook her head. "That's the thing – one of us needs to enter this competition, or we'll look like a bunch of secluded grumps, and the only person left is…"

"Oh no." Hermione shook her head, backing away. "I'd rather burn in hell."

"Hermione."

"Hermione."

"Hermione."

"Hermione."

"Hermione."

Each of the group stepped forward into a line to face her – even Luna – in a clearly rehearsed movement, and spoke in unison.

"We need you."

"That's just creepy." She frowned.

"Please. We're desperate." Harry ran his fingers through his hair.

"And you think I'm not just as busy as all of you?"

"No! We didn't say that!" Neville stuttered.

"You're just as important as pumpkin pie!" Ron smiled.

This time, everyone turned to face him. "What?"

"Sorry." He shrugged sheepishly. "I'm hungry…and confused."

"That makes two of us." Hermione scowled.

"You're hungry too?"

"NO!" the group yelled.

Ron frowned. "Okay. I'll just leave." He slouched out of the room.

"Hermione, look. We wouldn't ask if we didn't have to – we all know how much you hate Skeeter."

"Hate doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about that woman!"

"We know. And to be fair, you don't have to do this. We'll just tell Kingsley it didn't work out, and we'll issue some public statement. So no one is forcing you to…we completely understand if you don't want to do this." Ginny said, and the others nodded.

Hermione exhaled slowly. "Okay…I'll – go now." She nodded and began walking towards the fireplace.

"Wait, WHAT?"

She turned around. "You said I didn't have to do this!"

"IT WAS EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL! REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY! PLAN B! OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO DO IT!"

"Ginny!"

"DON'T YOU "GINNY" ME!"

"Guys." Neville hissed. "Plan C. After three."

The group nodded.

"One - "

"Guys?"

"Two - "

"What are you doing? "

"Three - "

"You're scaring me."

"GO!"

Neville, Harry, Ginny, and surprisingly Luna, all leapt forward at the same time, and tackled Hermione to the floor. As Neville held her legs down, Luna pinned down her left arm, and Ginny sat on her back to stop her from moving. Harry quickly grabbed the parchment and a quill, and gripped Hermione's right hand tightly, forcing her to scratch out her name – rather wonkily – on the dotted line as she screamed and ranted.

As soon as the "i" was dotted, the parchment burst into smoke, and glittery writing looped through the air above Hermione's head, saying "Congratulations, contestant!" before it disappeared, and a small key dropped onto her head, bouncing onto the floor.

The group backed away from their friend, panting hard.

"Good job, team." Ginny whispered.

Hermione pulled herself up from the floor and began advancing towards them, hair and eyes wild.

"I'm going to enjoy slowly killing each one of you." She hissed.

Neville gulped. "Would now be a good time to run?" he whispered.

Luna smiled. "I should think so."

**Hopefully you enjoyed reading that...if you did, please do review and tell me your thoughts, because it's always lovely motivation for another chapter, and I love to hear from you all. I think this turned out longer than I expected, but oh well! **

**Love y'all,**

**Tris xx**


	2. Flames of the devil

**Chapter 2 – Flames of the devil**

**Hi everyone! Sorry about the delay posting this - I got busy. With life. Thank you so, so much to all of you who followed, favourited and especially to those of you who reviewed. You completely made my week :D I've taken one guest reviewer's idea into my planning, so if you have any suggestions, please do tell! Okay, on with the chapter. **

Hermione frowned as she looked around the room. The two weeks following her supposed friends' deception, she'd barely managed to sleep at all in fear of what exactly she'd have to endure within the Orb, and it was only with the help of a drastic amount of concealment spells did she manage to appear presentable. On the orders of Skeeter, she'd apparated to the Ministry that very morning after what was intended to be a surprise goodbye party – clearly the group felt guilty, but the damage was done – and had found a supervised portkey waiting for her, which had taken her to a "secret location".

"The entire scheme is absurdly overdramatic." She muttered to herself, drumming her fingers against her wand. Naturally, she's been the first to arrive, and even she was getting frustrated by the lack of company.

"I can only agree."

She whipped around at the sound of a voice behind her, and gasped when she saw who stood before her. "PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL?" She yelled in disbelief.

"Now, dear. It's been a few years since you were my student. I should think that Minerva is quite acceptable."

"But Pro – M – Minerva!" she twisted her lips. It sounded strange coming out of her mouth. "I refuse to believe that you willingly volunteered as a contestant for the - "

"It's a subject I'd rather not discuss Hermione. Some things are better forgotten." She clearly looked pained, and Hermione gave up, deciding it would be better if the matter was left alone.

Before she could change the subject, another two contestants spun into view and joined the pair.

"HERMIONE!" They shouted, running forward to hug her.

"Parvati? Padma! I haven't seen you both in so long!"

"Last we heard of you, you'd become some fancy business management Godric-knows-what." The Patil twins grinned.

"Well, you can talk!" Hermione smiled. "You've been publishing books left right and centre, Padma. I only just read the one on the Unforgivables – you really are brilliant."

"Says the brightest witch of her age!"

The group continued to talk, and slowly but surely, the room began to fill up over the course of a half hour. When Hermione finally managed to fight her way through the group to speak to her former professor again, she found her hunched over a piece of parchment in a corner, scribbling away with a quill.

"What's that…Minerva?" she asked, making her jump with surprise.

"You startled me, Hermione!" she smiled.

"Sorry." She muttered sheepishly.

"You can have a look if you'd like." McGonagall passed her the parchment at her nod, and Hermione peered closely at the handwriting scrawling across it.

**_Competitors_**

_Myself_

_Hermione Granger_

_Padma Patil_

_Parvati Patil_

_Augusta Longbottom_

_William "Will" Mathieson_

_Valerie Labelle_

_Oliver Wood_

_Viktor Krum_

"And we're missing one person." McGonagall frowned. "I never approve of being late."

Hermione scrunched up her nose. "If you'll excuse me asking, why exactly - "

"You never know when a list will help, my dear." McGonagall nodded knowingly. "I'll go through it with you, shall I?"

"Oh, that's really not - "

"Nonsense! I insist!" the transfiguration professor exclaimed. "Information is always useful."

With a resigned sigh, Hermione sat down and attempted to smile. "Okay then."

"Right! We start with myself – no, wait. You know who I am." Old age was clearly catching up with her. "Then there's you, and the two Patil twins – they're obviously famous due to their works in Divination and Healing, and clearly Padma has published numerous books over the years. Then we have Augusta Longbottom – now, I don't really understand her presence here. I suspect that Miss Skeeter simply wishes to provide the group with easy bait, but she underestimates Neville's grandmother. The woman is made of iron." She said approvingly. "And: William Mathieson."

"Yes, the surname sounds familiar, but I can't quite place where I've heard of him before…"

"Mathieson! His father – Fredrick Mathieson, the great broom creator."

"Oh, yes!"

"I believe that Mathieson Jr wishes to pursue his father's career…in fact, he is supposed to be working on a new model. The students at Hogwarts are very excited."

"I can only imagine." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Next is…Valerie Labelle? But she's a Muggle model... French, I'm sure of it!"

"Au contraire!" McGonagall exclaimed. "She is a witch – half Veela at that too! She turned to Muggle modelling following her mother's footsteps, but her father is very well respected by many members of the Wizarding World."

"You certainly know a lot." Hermione smiled, mildly surprised.

"You of all people should know that." McGonagall attempted to look severe, but a smile stole its way across her face nevertheless. "Finally, Oliver Wood and Viktor Krum…they're rumoured to be acquaintances now, through quidditch etcetera. But of course, I have no need to explain anything to you about these two."

"And what do you mean by that?" Hermione retorted indignantly.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." She replied with an air of mocking innocence.

Hermione steered the conversation away from whatever McGonagall was suggesting. "We're still missed a person."

And on that note, the room was suddenly silent.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't bookworm Granger." She heard a slow drawl coming from behind her.

"Oh Godric." She moaned. "No…this cannot be happening." She slowly turned around on her seat, and looked up from in front of her until she reached the face with an unmistakable smirk and mop of white-blond hair, sneering down at her.

"Malfoy." She managed to choke out.

"It's been a long time."

Silence. And then -

"Good morning, my dearest contestants!"

The entire group whipped around to see Skeeter appear out of nowhere, and behind her, a photographer.

"How did she - "

"She wasn't there the whole time, was she?"

"Disillusionment charm. Now hush hush, dears!" she turned around, it wasn't clear if she was speaking to Bozo, or her Quick-Quotes Quill. The quill seemed to pause for a moment, and Bozo – permanently dumbfounded, it appeared – simply nodded, so she turned back to the group with a brisk nod. "Aren't you an interesting lot?" She paused to survey the group at her leisure, smirking slightly, and Hermione had to resist the urge to punch her. She wouldn't have minded punching Malfoy too, who kept on glancing down at her at regular intervals to sneer.

McGonagall cleared her throat and frowned. "Are you going to explain what exactly we're going to be doing, then?" she raised an eyebrow.

Skeeter bit her lip. "My my. Ever the impatient one."

"I'll have you know - "

Skeeter dismissed her with a wave of her hand, and walked towards the group. "Just imagine. In little over a month's time, one of you will be" she paused, resting her hand on Will Mathieson's chest, "a champion."

"This isn't the Triwizard Tournament." Hermione snapped, and following Skeeter's movement away from Will, the young man shot her a grateful grin. She couldn't help but blush. He was quite charming, really.

Skeeter cleared her throat, and smirked again. "Miss Granger. So we meet again. Got your eye on another athletic wizard, I see. First Harry, then Viktor." She nodded at the beefy Bulgarian across the room. "Now Will." She laughed, an infuriatingly girly giggle. "I wouldn't be surprised if your next conquest was Oliver, here." She smiled at the other young man. "Although," she leant forward to wink conspiratorially, "I hear this one's already taken the bait."

Slowly but steadily over the course of the past minute, Hermione had begun to flush a rather attractive shade of crimson. When she noted the scribbling of the quill behind Skeeter, it was only a restraining grab from Parvati that stopped her from leaping at the despicable woman.

"Well. Gossip will be gossip." She ground out from between gritted teeth, hardly able to look at any of the men in the room – especially Draco.

"Yes." Skeeter giggled again, and Hermione desperately hoped that she was only imagining the sinister undertone to the blonde's words. "But let's move on. You're all here for a reason, and I think we should get around to addressing it, no?"

"Quite." Mrs Longbottom's acid remark was heard from the back of the room, but ignored by Skeeter. Only Hermione heard Draco mutter beside her – something about how it was remarkable that Augusta and McGonagall were even alive – and she allowed herself to glare at him.

"I'll skim over the rules quickly. They're quite simple. You will be paired up, by a method which I shall reveal shortly, and sent the the Orb. There, you will stay for five weeks. At the beginning of each week you will receive a challenge, and the highest scoring pair will receive the highest number of points. The failing pair will be eliminated from the process." She looked around the room, attempting to evoke some sort of fear – to no avail. "To make things a little more exciting – your "points" can be used each week before being "wiped"; they can be used to make your life more comfortable, gaining more water or clothes or whatever you need – as you will spend the remainder of the week in some sort of" she paused, "_hostile_ environment." Needless to say, you and your partner should try to become close, because you will be relying on each other for _everything_."

Parvati shuddered slightly. "Did you say "hostile environment"?"

"Yes." Skeeter nodded, unperturbed. "But nothing too serious." She dismissed her fears. "Should something happen – let's not go into details – and you wish to leave the arena at any time, you should – oh!" she cut herself off in midsentence. "Do all of you have your keys?"

"Our…keys?" the previously silent French model looked confused, and when she realised that all eyes were on her, she pouted slightly, taking care to smile at Oliver, Draco, Will and Viktor. Each man had to turn away.

"A complete bimbo, I'll bet." Hermione rolled her eyes at Parvati, who laughed.

"The keys!" Skeeter repeated. "You each received a key when you signed your entrance form."

"Oh!" Valerie gave a little laugh, then bit her lip. I think I have mine…somewhere. She leant forward so her low cut top dipped even further, and stared straight down her cleavage on display.

"Oh my God." Hermione muttered.

"I'm certain it is in here." She actually put her hand down her top in front of the entire group, her lilting accent carrying through the silence, then she gave a delicate little snort of irritation. "I cannot seem to find it." She turned to an unsuspecting Will. "Could you have a look for me?"

Hermione had had enough. "He will do no such thing!" she snapped, saving the stuttering man from an excuse – who shot her a second grin of the day – and whipped out her wand. "Accio Valerie's key," she tried, and after a few seconds, an object of metal flew out of the French girl's bag.

"Oh! I did not realise it was there." She blushed prettily.

"Sure you didn't." Hermione scowled, practically throwing the key at her. "Why do we need them?" she turned back to Skeeter.

"Can everybody show me theirs?" each member of the group removed a key from pockets etc. after a few seconds and held them up to show Skeeter. "Good good!" she grinned, and with a flick of her wand, each person's key was suddenly suspended on a chain around their neck. "It is impossible to remove or destroy the chains." Skeeter began. "They've all been charmed – so don't try." After a moment, she clapped her hands together. "Can we get a picture like this?" she turned to Bozo, and before the group could react, a photograph had been taken accompanied with a flash of light.

"Why. Do. We. Need. The. Damn. Keys." Hermione repeated.

"Temper temper, Granger." Draco smirked.

"Stop." She hissed, then after a moment: "Please."

"Oh, I bet that's what Weasley begged when you incessantly babbled around him." He laughed, narrowing his eyes, provoking her.

"That's it." Hermione snarled, pointing her wand at his tie. "Incendio!"

A jet of flame swept out of her wand, and a second later the tie burst into flames. With a shriek Draco ripped it off and stamped on it to put out the fire.

"You witch. That could have seriously hurt me!"

"You were asking for it." She hissed, unmoved.

"Go stuff yourself, Granger."

"Go die, Malfoy."

He smirked, and spoke slowly. "I wouldn't be surprised if it was you who killed me. We wizards have heard a lot about you supposedly bumping off…opposition." He glanced at Valerie.

"ENOUGH!" Augusta yelled from the back of the room, before Hermione could say anything. She shot a disapproving glare at Skeeter, who was looking at the notebook her quill was scribbling away at.

Skeeter swallowed. "Let's move on!" she grinned brightly, ignoring the tension in the room. "The keys are for you to leave if you must – they are all like a modified portkey, if you like, and you must clasp yours with both hands and say "reverto". This will take both you and your partner away from the Orb, so think twice before doing it. Once you leave, you cannot return."

A few seconds passed in suitably "sombre" silence, before Skeeter clapped her hands again.

"And now, for the partnering!" with a dramatic wave of her wand she unveiled a huge goblet – practically an exact copy of the Goblet of Fire. The woman obviously had gained some "inspiration" from the Triwizard Tournament – and what with Skeeter's references to the event earlier and the sudden mutterings between contestants as they looked at the impressive object, Hermione suddenly felt as though she was back in her fourth year.

Skeeter muttered something, and bewitched cerise flames suddenly roared to life within the goblet. Nobody noticed that as she muttered, she slightly pointed her wand towards Hermione, then Draco, and as she did, the flames leapt a little higher. She turned to face the group quickly. "Five different coloured jets of fire will jump out of the goblet in a moment, and each will split into two." She smiled in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner. "They won't hurt you, so don't be afraid." She continued. "This means that there will be ten jets in pairs of colours, and each jet will find its way to a key hanging around your neck, charming it to that colour. You must then find your partner, who will have their own key in the same colour as yours. Simple! You'll be paired up for the competition!"

Just as she finished, as she said they would, five flames suddenly leapt into the air: blue, green, red, purple and orange. As the group gasped in awe, they split into two, and suddenly the room was a mass of swirling colour and childish shrieks of delight as a flame headed towards each person. Even Bozo was shocked out of his daze and had the intuition to snap as many photographs as he could.

A second later, it was over, and everybody glanced down at their keys as Skeeter observed. Oliver Wood finally broke the silence, calling out –

"Mine's purple! Who's got purple?"

"I have!" McGonagall cried out, striding forward and tactfully ignoring Oliver's smothered groan.

"I am green!"

"Blue!"

"Orange!"

"Also green!"

"Orange too!"

Following a few yells, most of the group finally stood in pairs – some happy, some less so. Purple were Oliver and McGonagall, blue were Augusta and Will, green were Valerie and Viktor, and orange were Padma and Parvati.

"You are absolutely kidding me." Draco snarled, as he stood alone, staring at Hermione.

Her eyes widened. "I'm red. You can't be red. You can't - "

He held up his key. "Red." He spat.

Hermione spun around to face Skeeter pleadingly. "Please, anyone but him."

Skeeter merely smiled. "Coincidental, no?"

It took her a moment, but Hermione realised that the situation was all too convenient. "You. You did this."

"No, my dear." Skeeter patted her cheek condescendingly. "You saw the goblet decide."

"Rubbish."

"You can't change it."

Hermione turned to Draco.

"Face it, Granger. I'm stuck with you and there's nothing you can do about it."

** I'm going to presume that you're not surprised with that pairing at all. I mean, honestly - what did you expect? :P The next couple of chapters are still an introduction, really, to the story...so sorry - the fun stuff starts from about chapter five. In other words, stay tuned!**

**Okey dokey. As usual: thoughts? Good? Bad? Awful? Please do take the time to review. I think that if we got another ten, I'd do something crazy like walk around naked for a day. That's how much it would mean to me :P**

**For all you reviewers, you can have Draco for a day. Do whatever you want with him. If he complains, you can borrown my whip. *Evil grin***

**Tris xx**


	3. And the nightmare begins: part 1

**Chapter 3 – And the nightmare begins: part 1**

**Thank you so much everyone, for your lovely reviews - and obviously to everyone who favourited and followed. Hope you like this one :)**

Harry looked over his shoulder to make sure that the rest of the group was still following him, and tried not to get irked by Ginny's constant huffs of irritation as she strode ahead.

"Ginny," he paused, "love, there's really no need for you to go that fast. You're meant to rest."

"I'm pregnant, not an invalid." She snapped, "And I'm not even showing yet." She grabbed his arm and began to pull him forward impatiently. "If you don't hurry up, we'll be late, so move it for the love of Merlin!"

Obviously the hormones were getting to her.

"Look." Harry tried to pacify her. "I can't help it that Neville and Luna were held up – and Ron was hungry. You know what he's like when he's hungry."

"He's always hungry."

"Darling." Harry tried the suck up approach. "We can't all be as perfect as you."

"Flattery will get you nowhere Harry. We've been married for a while now." She sounded far from impressed.

"You know that they'll wait for us before starting! They'll hold the entire bloody stadium if they have to!"

"Why?" she spun around. "Because you're the great Harry Potter?"

"Well - "

"Harry. I do love you, but please, someday, get your head out of your arse."

She hurried ahead, leaving her red-faced and spluttering husband behind her. Ron came up to him, and patted his shoulder.

"She in a mood?" he asked, sympathetically.

"Oh yeah." Harry groaned.

"Want some of my sandwich? It'll help."

Harry shook his head in disbelief. "No, Ron. I really don't."

He ran ahead to catch up with his wife.

**ooooo**

Some fifteen minutes after they'd reached the apparition point, the Orb's stadium finally came into view, and there was blatant promotion of Skeeter and the Prophet pretty much everywhere. Neville had separated from the group to get hold of a newspaper, but came running back seconds later, forcing the rest of the group to follow him.

"What is it Neville?" Ginny hissed, clearly irritated.

"Look over there!" Neville pointed.

"NO!" Harry said.

Luna merely smiled. "Is that - "

"Yes! Zabini!"

"I haven't seen him since - "

"Guys, why don't we just walk away?" Harry pleaded.

"Why? Because last time we saw him at a convention he hit on you?" Ginny snorted.

"Okay." Harry faced his wife. "You. Are. Mean."

Ginny merely laughed. "I know. Let's go ahead and see what he's saying to that girl."

The group sidled forward, trying to remain unnoticed, just managing to catch certain phrases from Blaise's conversation. It seemed that the girl he was with thought he was interested in her – when in fact, they knew that he didn't quite swing that way.

"He actually fell for it?"

"Yes, but I mean…it was difficult."

"You are so clever."

"Well - "

"And will he be in the Orb today?"

"Oh yes. And it's all because of me. Revenge is sweet."

The girl giggled sickeningly. "Wow. Who would have thought that Draco Malfoy of all people would be spending five weeks in an enclosure, for the entertainment of "common people"?"

Blaise chuckled. "When you say it like that, it sounds even better."

Ginny, Harry, Neville, Luna and Ron all stood in dumbfounded shock.

"Oh dear." Harry stuttered.

"Hermione is going to KILL us!" Ron howled.

"No wait – she won't see us for five weeks. She might be okay after that." Neville tried.

Ginny turned to Neville, refraining from slapping him. "WE ARE TALKING ABOUT DRACO MALFOY."

Neville swallowed. "Okay. We're stuffed." He looked down at the newspaper in his hands and gasped as he read the article.

"What is it?" Luna asked.

"Skeeter says that – oh, Merlin. We're really in for it now."

"WHAT?" Harry and Ginny bellowed in unison.

"She talks about the obvious "romantic tension" between the new partners for the Orb - "

"No." Ginny shook her head. "I refuse to believe it."

"Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger." Neville finished.

"Okay. We are so dead."

**ooooo**

Hermione looked around her. It was hard to imagine that she was being watched by thousands of people as she turned…and she'd stay in the enclosure for more than a month. It didn't feel as though she were trapped – although that would be due to the sheer size of it. When she felt ready, she grabbed her portkey – and found herself in a room. Alone. With Draco.

"Granger." He drawled.

"Shut up." She hissed.

"I didn't say anything."

"You said "Granger"."

"Stop being insufferable."

"You stop being an arsehole."

"Working with you will be difficult if you're going to be so high and mighty." He growled. "I don't want to be here any more than you do, but because I am, I am going to win. And you will make sure of that."

"_We_ are going to win." She corrected. "And why are you here if you don't want to be?"

"None of your business."

"Children, children, no fighting!" Skeeter apparated beside them with a "pop" and shook her finger.

"We're not children." Draco snapped.

"Of course." Skeeter nodded. "Now, I'll explain the first challenge to you quickly. You'll begin when that door," she pointed across the room, "opens."

"Okay."

"You are in a room."

"Correct."

Skeeter smiled, annoyed. "But you can be seen by everybody in the stadium. When the door opens, you'll find yourself in another room, where there will be some sort of challenge for you. Each time you complete a challenge, a door will be opened to another room, leading into a centre space." She nodded. "All the other pairs have exactly the same challenges as you in their own rooms, and theirs will also lead into the same centre chamber. Once you reach the chamber, you must work out what you have to do to escape – and the first pair to do so will gain the most number of points. The last pair will immediately be taken away from the stadium." She looked at Draco and Hermione. "Do you understand?"

They both nodded.

"Good! Good luck!"

Just before she apparated away, a slip of paper fell onto the floor from her hand– it looked like a note of some sort, in slanted writing. Hermione picked it up.

_They'll never guess to use the mandrakes._

"What?" she muttered, but on second thought, instead of dropping the slip, she pushed it into her pocket. Just then, the door swung open to reveal the room beyond them.

"Come on, Granger." Draco turned to face her. "Let's win this damn challenge."

**ooooo**

They found themselves in –

Pretty much Hell.

No, really.

The room – if that's what you could call it – was literally an inferno. The heat was scorching, and they were stood on a tiny platform; across the other side of the room, was the door leading away. The floor was non-existent – instead, there was a gaping chasm, and far below, leaping flames and what looked disturbingly like lava.

"This is crazy." Hermione shook her head.

"Bloody hell." Was Draco's reply. "How do we out of here?"

Hermione's eyes widened "We can use our wands to levitate each other across to the other platform!" she practically yelled.

"Okay." Draco nodded, trying not to look excited. "I'll do you first." He took out his wand, and after a few seconds of trying, stared at it in confusion.

"Come on!" Hermione urged. "We need to go!"

"It's – it's not working."

"What?" she grabbed her own wand, and pointed at him. "Why won't it cast the stupid spell?"

"Let me try again. _Wingardium leviosa_." Draco enunciated, slower this time – to no avail.

"God, it's a simple spell; what's wrong with us?" Hermione muttered. It took her a moment before she slapped her palm to her forehead in realisation.

"What? What is it Granger?"

"I'm so stupid!" she cried. "The stadium – or this part of it – must have anti-magic wards or prevention of some sort! Otherwise it would be too easy for us to get through the challenges."

"A warning would have been nice." Draco muttered.

Just as he spoke, some objects began to appear in the room, and after a few seconds they realised that they were pieces of rock suspended above the fire below, leading across the chasm to the platform and door on the other side.

"Stepping stones." Hermione whispered.

"Damn." Draco ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll go first." He swallowed hard, trying not to think about what would happen if he fell, and stepped onto the first stone –

Only to leap back a second later, yelling in pain as a sort of sizzling sound filled the air.

"WHAT THE HELL?" he roared, clutching his foot.

"What?" Hermione urged.

"The bloody stone burned me!"

"Oh Godric – are you okay?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?" he snapped.

"Well." She sniffed. "If you're going to be so rude, you can sort yourself out." She turned away, and bent down to inspect the first stone in front of her. After a couple of seconds, she gave out a little cry and grabbed Draco's arm to look.

"What, Granger?" he winced.

"There! There's writing on the stone!"

"Where?"

"Just there!" she pointed to the middle.

He squinted. "It says – _"Mary had a little lamb"_. What the hell?"

"It's a muggle nursery rhyme!"

"Eh?"

"Nursery rhyme – you know. Like a song, for young children."

"And this is supposed to help us – how, exactly?" he sneered.

"Go ask your mother." She snapped, sighing after a second. "I'm going to try going across."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

Hermione stepped onto the first stone, singing "Mary had a little lamb" under her breath as she did without realising, and waited for a moment. Nothing happened.

"See?" she called out. "I'm fine - AAAAH!" But just as she stopped humming, the sizzling sound was heard once more, and she let out a little yelp and began hopping from foot to foot.

"WHY WASN'T I BURNED BEFORE?" she screeched, before giving up and jumping back to the relative safety of the platform.

"Granger." Draco's eyes widened. "When you were singing – was that the muggle nursery rhyme – whatever it was?"

"Yes…"

"Don't you see?" he shouted. "You have to sing the nursery rhyme that's written on each stone as you step on it!" Then he realised what exactly he'd just said. "Great." He couldn't help but allow himself to sneer. "And you're supposed to be smart."

"Zip it." She shook her head. "But how are you supposed to know what each nursery rhyme is? You were brought up in the Wizarding World."

"I won't need to." He crossed his arms. "There's no way I'm doing this."

"Oh for the love of Merlin, Malfoy, you were the one lecturing me about "winning" and all that rubbish. You are going to do this, whether you like it or not. Now, I'll go first, and pause on each stone so you can hear what the nursery rhyme sounds like before moving on. It'll be confusing – but we'll just have to deal with it. Okay?"

"My father will hear about this."

"Your father my arse." She jumped onto the first stone. "Mary had a little lamb, little lamb - "

"Oh sweet Salazar, you sound like a dying cat." He snorted.

Hermione couldn't stop singing, but simply jumped onto the next stone and began singing "Twinkle twinkle little star", smirking over her shoulder as to say "your turn now."

And so, followed an agonising few minutes the two enemies jumping over stones above boiling lava and singing nursery rhymes. It would have almost been comical if it wasn't so dangerous, and when they finally reached the other side, they were both so out of breath that the simply pushed open the door without speaking and practically ran into the next room to escape the heat.

They could have hoped that their next challenge would be any better – but that, of course, was unlikely.

**I'm so excited - only one more chapter to go until the madness begins! We've got proposals, pink pantaloons, and kissing in the jungle coming up. So yes. I'm excited. If you've got time, please do drop me a little review...it's ****_always_**** appreciated. Thank you!**

**Love you all,**

**Tris xx**


	4. And the nightmare begins: part 2

**Chapter 4 – And the nightmare begins: part 2**

**Well hello! Sorry for the late update, everyone - I was pretty ill yesterday and didn't have the brainpower to edit this chapter :P Hope y'all forgive me; I know I have a bunch of PMs to reply to too, I swear I'll get round to it ASAP. Anyway. Here it is x**

As soon as they entered, it was clear that the room was intended for brewing potions; numerous cauldrons sat in the centre of the room, with jars filled with all kinds of substances lining the walls. When the pair stepped forward, a slip of parchment floated down in front of them, which Hermione read out loud.

_For this challenge, contestants, you must brew a modified potion which will allow you to swim, see, and breathe underwater, as well as alter your appearances to look like those of any creature which would be found in a sea or lake. You must each drink a vial of the mixture to proceed to the next room – remember that whatever you brew will help you through the next challenge, so use what you must to your advantage._

"I'm guessing that the next challenge is underwater." Hermione finally sighed.

"Perceptive." Draco muttered.

"What was that?" she challenged.

"Oh, nothing Granger." He mocked, and sat down at a chair next to one particularly large cauldron.

"What are you doing, Malfoy?" she almost shouted. "We need to brew the damn potion! Get up!"

"For Salazar's sake, they're asking to us to practically create a new potion! We can't just throw ourselves into this like idiots, we have to plan what we're going to do and think about what we actually need to put into the potion to gain the effects we want."

"Oh."

"Yes, "oh"." He sneered. He grabbed a piece of parchment and a pen. "Right. I'm going to write everything down on this."

"Can't I - "

"No, you can't." he answered without looking even looking at her. "Now sit down and shut up."

To her own surprise, she found herself obeying, and ignored his snort of irritation when she leant over his shoulder.

**_Effects:_**

_Swim well, see underwater, breathe underwater:_

_Alter appearances: polyjuice adjustment_

_Possible strengthening and agility: girding potion, invigoration draught, strengthening solution_

She thought for a moment. "We've got a lot for strengthening – and that's not even really required. And we have another problem: polyjuice can't be used for animal transformations."

"Hence the word "adjustment"." Draco drawled.

"Fine. I'm not an idiot."

"I beg to differ."

"Oh, shut – I've got it!"

"What, Granger?" he rolled his eyes.

"You've left the whole "underwater" part empty – I know what we can use!"

"I presume you're going to tell me sometime today." He tried to hide his excitement.

She ignored his little jibe. "Gillyweed! Harry used it in the Triwizard Tournament."

"Yes." Draco nodded slowly, adding it to his list and desperately wishing he'd thought of it. "That is, if we can find some."

"We have to." She stated, getting up and looking around the room. "Come on. Let's get started. I have a feeling we're going to be here for a while."

And so followed a few minutes of searching for ingredients in silence, until Hermione tentatively spoke again.

"Malfoy?"

"What, Granger?" he scowled.

"I think that for the appearance alteration, we need to use a "body part" – that sounds strange – from an animal, similarly to polyjuice potion."

"And?" he prompted.

"I…I've found something that might be useful."

"Which is?" he was beginning to become exasperated.

"Crab legs." She winced.

To her surprise, he didn't shout at her, but simply burst out laughing, and the sight of Draco Malfoy actually laughing – genuinely, not mockingly – forced her to crack a smile. Seconds later, the pair were facing each other, desperately trying to stifle snorts but simply laughing harder at each other's failed attempts to do so.

"I don't know why you find that so funny." Hermione finally managed to choke out, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Granger." He snorted. "Imagine yourself as a crab."

"Oh God!" she yelled, and they were off again.

It was probably the built up pressure for the competition that finally caused the pair to crack, but for the thousands of onlookers in the stadium, it simply looked like they'd completely lost it.

"I can just imagine your hair sticking out from the crab's head." Draco stated solemnly.

She stopped laughing. "Too far."

He actually had the decency to look sheepish.

"Maybe not the crab legs then…" Hermione tried.

"God no. We need something that'll work to our advantage, not to look like shark bait."

"Alright, alright!" she put her hands up. "I'll keep looking."

It was a full hour later when they finally looked at their steaming cauldron and the mess surrounding them – an inevitable product from their rushed brewing.

Draco picked up two vials from the table beside them, and filled them with the foul looking concoction, handing one to Hermione. "Bottoms up."

They both tipped their heads back, pouring the mixture into their mouths and shuddering identically as the disgusting taste overwhelmed their senses. Two seconds later, and Draco had turned an interesting shade of green.

"I think I'm going to - " he stopped midsentence and leaned over the still bubbling cauldron, suddenly retching then throwing up violently. When he finally sat up again, he was met by an expression of both horror and amusement from Hermione.

"Well." She started, pointing at the now still cauldron. "Thank Merlin we're done with that." At a second look at his pitiful expression, she felt some sympathy for him. "Sit down for a minute, Malfoy. I'll see if I can open the door. Look, your skin colour's already changing – I guess we'll transform soon enough. I'll have to be quick."

He was too miserable to make some haughty remark, so simply sank into a chair gratefully as Hermione turned away.

She walked to the door, but stopped as she noticed something odd. The shelf next to it only had one plant on it, and as she neared, she had to smother a gasp of realisation. The pot contained a – baby – mandrake, not yet unearthed.

_"They'll never guess to use the mandrakes."_

Glancing back to make sure that Draco was looking away, she took a quick decision, and grabbed a vine from another shelf. She quickly lifted up her top and secured the pot to her stomach, pulling her clothing back down over it. You could easily see that something was under her clothes, but if she hunched over, it was more easily concealed.

She finally swallowed, trying not to feel guilty, and tested the door. She could open it.

"Malfoy." She called. "Let's go."

He got up, and walked over shakily. The transformations of the potion were slowly taking place, and at the moment, he looked part human, and part shark. Still with legs, of course.

"Okay."

**ooooo**

The second they opened the door, they were sucked into the next room, the door slamming shut behind them. From the note in the earlier challenge, they'd both expected their most difficult trial yet, but when Hermione actually looked around the room, she felt both relieved, and furious.

In front of then was a twenty five meter swimming pool, stretching to the other side of the room where the next door was. The bottom of the pool was clearly visible – it was shallow, and there was no way that they needed any help to get across.

"It was a trick!" she screeched, breaking the silence. "A joke! All along! They purposely made us waste our time, creating a more complicated potion! We just have to swim across this stupid, stupid pool!" she kicked the wall, trying not to cry out with frustration. "I'm going in." she bent her legs to dive, but was hauled back by Draco.

"Wait, Granger." He stammered. "Don't get carried away. Anything could happen; wait for the full transformation from the potion first."

"We're wasting time, Malfoy! Let's go!"

"NO!" he yelled, backing away. When she turned to face him, she realised that he looked genuinely terrified.

"Malfoy?" she tried.

"I - " he mumbled something inaudible.

"What?"

"I can't swim." He finally said, not looking up.

When she just looked at him in silence, he finally forced himself to face her. He was expecting some demand for explanation, but instead, she sat down against the wall, and motioned for him to do the same.

"Okay."

And they waited in silence, side by side, until all that was left of their human bodies were their legs. Hermione/shark (it was hilarious to see them like this, in a twisted, disturbing sort of way) stood up and went to the edge of the pool, with – what was left of – Draco following. He did notice what he though was something strapped to her stomach, but put it down to nerves playing with his mind, and at the same time, they jumped into the pool.

Nothing happened.

And a minute later, they'd both leapt out of the water on the other side, back to their original bodies, and completely dry.

Hermione faced Draco. "You fine?" she asked it lightly, as though she wasn't really concerned – and in that moment, he couldn't help but appreciate that she was understanding. She'd saved him from humiliation, having to explain himself. Why? He wasn't sure.

"Fine." He answered gruffly, and she nodded, pushing the door open to the next room.

**ooooo**

The second they entered, they were bombarded with the sound of incessant screeching, and suddenly attacked by a swarm of blue creatures. Draco and Hermione were both lifted up by the creatures and thrown around the room, constantly trying to block out the shrill pitch of the electric blue blurs. When Hermione finally came to her senses, she realised that they were being assaulted by pixies, who were blocking their escape from the room. Every time they tried to make for the door, they were thrown back again.

"PIXIES, MALFOY!" she yelled over the noise.

"I REALISED!" he bellowed back, and so followed an agonising for them, but hilarious for the audience seemingly never-ending minutes of being thrown about by midgets. It was only when Hermione felt the bulge under her clothing that she remember the mandrake, and she struggled, freeing her arms from the pesky pixies to remove the pot from under her top.

"MALFOY!" she shouted to get his attention. "PLUG YOUR EARS!"

"WHAT?" he yelled.

"JUST DO IT! PROPERLY!" she screeched, and only when he obliged did she stick her fingers in her own. Awkwardly using her elbows as best as she could, she grasped the baby mandrake and wrenched it out of the pot.

The pair were only lucky that their fingers blocked the ear splitting shriek the plant emitted, and in unison, each and every pixie thudded to the floor. Draco, looking utterly dumbfounded at the thought of Hermione simply producing their distraction out of nowhere, finally came to his senses, and followed her to the door. With their hands being occupied, Hermione kicked it open, and they fled through their escape route.

**ooooo**

They found themselves in a silent central chamber, and Draco immediately turned around to face Hermione.

"How – where - "

"I'll explain later!" she urged.

He looked as though he was about to say something else, but changed his mind at the last moment.

The pair looked around the chamber without speaking. Intricate stone work arched above their heads, and they could see that five different doors led into the room. In the middle of the room hung what appeared to be chunky padlocks in different colours, suspended in mid-air.

"We must be the first here." Hermione whispered.

"The central chamber." Was Draco's response.

Silence.

"How in Merlin's name do we get out of here?"

"Come on, come on, think." Draco paced, practically thumping his head repeatedly.

All of a sudden, the door directly opposite theirs swung open, and the Patil twins rushed in. They only took a second to survey the room, until Padma's eyes widened and she grabbed Parvati's arm, dragging her to the middle of the room where the padlocks were.

"Come on!" Hermione realised that Padma had figured out how to escape, and she in turn dragged Draco towards the centre as well, but it was too late.

Padma had clasped the key from around her neck – her oh-so-important escape route - and simply slotted it into the lock nearest to her. Immediately, the lock opened, and some sort of gap opened up in the air, which the twins immediately disappeared into. By the time Hermione had copied, fumbling with her own key, they were gone, and with a frustrated sigh she pulled Draco through the gap that opened up before them, ready to face whatever came after their first round completion.

She had a feeling it was only going to get worse.

**Yay! We finally get to the crack...next chapter is some stupid fun. Just wanted to say thank you so much to all of you who reviewed etc. - and especially to the guest reviewers (I can't PM you :P). I was shocked by the stats page for this story...in three chapters we've already got half the number of views ****_Uncovered _****has which is just amazing. So yes: I'm so grateful to all of you. Thank you for your support, it's really appreciated.**

**Love y'all,**

**Tris xx**


	5. Attack of the pink pantaloons

**Chapter 5 – Attack of the pink pantaloons**

**Hello everyone! As always, thank you so much to those who faved, followed and reviewed. It's ridiculously appreciated :) Here's a little taste of the crack to come. **

It was the inexplicable feeling of dread, Hermione thought, which had made her throw up multiple times in the past five minutes. When she'd finally stopped retching, she straightened her back to find no sympathy from Draco. It appeared that his philosophy to life was "if I suffer, you suffer", so despite her assistance when he'd chucked up his guts not so long ago, she could see that he felt no shame in laughing in her face.

"And I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be tough." He snorted between chuckles. Evil chuckles, she noted. He was just as malicious as he was in Hogwarts, she thought with disgust.

"In case you hadn't realised, Malfoy, we're in a bleeding jungle." She snarled. His response was to laugh yet again.

"And, Granger?"

"A jungle, Malfoy. We're in a rainforest. With insects, and wild animals – and, oh yes! The sun. And I'll bet you burn." She added, and when she saw him freeze, she happily allowed herself a slow smirk of victory.

Draco let out a sort of strangled shriek. "I – I don't burn. You're wrong. I only need a little spell to prevent it and I'm fine." He stammered.

"Did you forget something?" Hermione pulled out her wand, twirling it between her fingers as she strolled around him – desperately trying to mask her own "slight" panic with smirks, now that her moment of victory was over. She could already feel herself break out in sweat. "Our wands don't work, Malfoy." She continued. "And therefore you are going to burn. That must be difficult to face, knowing your vain tendencies."

"I am not vain!" he shouted.

"No hair gel." Hermione simply said, waiting for her words to take effect. A second later, he was screaming and desperately clawing at the air behind him; possibly looking to leave the way they'd entered their humid prison.

With a sigh, Hermione began to walk to what appeared to be some sort of camp in the distance. It was probably best to leave him alone when he threw a hissy fit. After a few minutes, the sound of screeching stopped for a moment, and she was almost certain that she heard someone shout:

"MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!"

**ooooo**

Hermione tossed in her sleeping bag. She was hot, but she didn't want to leave the safety of her cushioned protection from the mosquitoes swarming around her, so she simply had to suffer in the silence – although, Viktor's snoring was not exactly quiet. She gave up, and pulled herself out of the bag, and walked out of the hut they were inhabiting. The events of the last few hours kept on playing over in her mind; sleeping was futile.

When she had eventually reached the camp just after she and Draco had arrived in the jungle, she found Parvati and Padma seated around a circle of huts in a clearing. Over the course of the next couple of hours, the rest of the contestants had found their way to the group, and once they were all assembled – sans McGonagall and Oliver – Skeeter had arrived (although nobody really knew how). The last pair to finish their challenge had automatically been eliminated, therefore Viktor and Valerie, Augusta and Will, Hermione and Draco, and the Patil twins were remaining. Brief congratulations and points for completing the challenges were awarded, with actually only Draco and Hermione gaining bonus points for their use of the mandrake plant during the pixie challenge.

Hermione's guilt was probably another factor keeping her from sleeping.

Skeeter explained that during the next week they had to ensure their survival in the jungle before the second task. When they wanted or needed, they could use their points to gain luxuries by using a their wands as they ordinarily would – certain points would be deducted from each pair per spell until they reached zero, and then no more magic could be performed. It was disturbingly simple, and yet Hermione couldn't help but feel overwhelmed.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, and spun around.

"William!" she exclaimed, surprised – yet secretly pleased – to see the man behind her.

"Call me Will." He started. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked.

"The heat, the insects…the _snoring_." She laughed. "No."

"Me neither." He smiled. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" he pointed up at the moon just shining through the treetops, casting a sort of dappled, luminescent glow over the clearing.

"I mean, when you ignore being bitten every few seconds," Hermione slapped at an insect on her arm, "yes."

"Quite the sceptic, aren't you?" he teased.

"I have reasons to be on my guard." She shook her head as they sat down and continued talking as the night drew on.

Easily concealed by the shadows, they didn't notice Draco standing in his hut's doorway watching, his eyes hardening as their conversation continued. With a determined nod, he turned away.

**ooooo**

Two days later, and the contestants' life in the jungle was in full swing. True, Valerie had attempted to use a monkey as a handbag, and true, Viktor did have a _slight_ issue with killing everything in sight and then eating it, but otherwise, the rivalling pairs found it fairly easy to get along with each other. It was noted, with slight confusion, however, that every day when the group met from their various activities for lunch, Will and Augusta were always missing, and when one lunch time Hermione ventured back to her hut because she'd forgotten the sunhat she'd used some points to gain, she realised why.

"Come on, boy!" she heard someone – presumably Augusta – screech, and the sound of heavy grunting was heard. "Harder! Faster! Just there! YES! Finally you've got it!"

Mildly disturbed, Hermione ventured towards the hut where the sounds were coming from.

"Augusta - "

"NO!"

"Mrs Longbottom, sorry! Please, please can I stop? I'm exhausted!"

That was unmistakeably Will's pleading voice. Hermione peered around the doorway to find the poor guy seated on the floor, with Augusta's feet in his lap, desperately massaging them. It seemed that he was trying not to cry.

"Don't you say no to an old woman!"

The decent thing would have been to have rescued Will. Hermione, however, was beyond disturbed, and too shocked to do anything but walk away. She was silent when she returned back to the group, much to their confusion.

She'd also forgotten her hat.

**ooooo**

The next day, lunch proceeded as usual, with Will and Augusta mysteriously absent from the meal. However, the relative peace was broken when a rustling was heard halfway through the meal, and seconds later, Will burst through the undergrowth screaming like a banshee. He ran in circles a few times around the group, so fast that all they could see of him was a flash of pink, until he finally stopped in front of them.

He was naked.

Well, not exactly. He did have a pair of fuchsia pantaloons on.

"PLEASE!" he yelled. "HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO DANCE IN THE PANTIES ANY MORE!" he began to sob uncontrollably.

Silence.

A second later, and Augusta was heard thundering towards the clearing. They could just make out the words –

"BOY! YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED DOING THE MACARENA! GET BACK HERE, OR IT'LL BE LILAC PANTALOONS NEXT TIME!"

With a terrified gasp, Will was off again, sprinting nude through the forest.

It was unnecessary to say that no one said any more about the experience.

**ooooo**

"Was that good enough?" Augusta hissed, peeking out from behind a tree.

"Yes." Draco smirked at the memory of Will's encounter with the group. "Perfect. I'll make sure that half our points are transferred to you – I'll make up a story. Granger won't suspect anything."

"You know." Augusta smiled. "I'm not just doing this for the points. I'm not really a selfish, old woman."

"What?"

"If I sense happiness, love, any good cause – I'll help a child out."

"I'm not a child!" he retorted, angrily, too indignant to catch the full meaning of her words.

Neville's grandmother simply patted his cheek and hobbled away.

**There we go! The madness is only just beginning... But there was a point to this chapter. The last bit should tell you that. If you enjoyed this one, then as always, please review. I used to have a horrible system where I updated every ten reviews - which I ditched - but they aren't any less appreciated. No, siriusly. Thank you!**

**See y'all next chapter,**

**Tris xx**


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